The media sweeping this entire incident with Chris Brown under the rug is really upsetting to me. As someone who was in an abusive relationship, it just hurts so much to see women talk about wanting to get beat. You don’t want that. Trust me. It happens so fast, you get caught up and it’s almost like you lose complete control. I’ll never forget taking off my clothes to get in a shower one day and seeing a full view of all the bruises that accumulated on my body. It was the first time I looked at the relationship from the outside and thought something was off. The name calling, the hitting, the control…it all made sense. And some sick part of me enjoyed it because I thought that controlling nature was a way of showing love. That relationship fucked me up in many ways. I think in a relationship if my partner isn’t controlling and jealous then he doesn’t want me. I fear men because I can’t tell who is putting up a front. Any guy that hits a woman is a coward.
When I’d fight back I got it back a hundred times harder. I got used up, fucked and tossed aside. And I thought something was wrong with me. I’m not a soft person. I’m very stubborn and tough. People in my life, who I have had the guts to tell, are still shocked and can’t understand how someone got away with treating me like that.
I don’t know how. He was attractive, charming and my self esteem must have been so low because he made me feel like I was lucky to be with him. There will be a time where I can open up about it and explain what went on. Right now it somehow still feels fresh and I still feel used up and weak when I think about it.
Yeah, you wouldn’t like Chris Brown to “hit” you because he is decent looking. When you’re being choked to death by a good looking person it doesn’t make the fade out any more pleasant, you uninformed morons.
I lost faith in humanity when I saw all of those “Chris Brown could beat me any day” posts. I was in a psychologically abusive relationship for years, thankfully it was never physical, and I’ve watched my mom be in one for the past ten years. Chris Brown can fucking suck it
(Source: esoterica-eunoia)
